The Monster in Our Swimming Pool (Or How the Loch Ness Monster Became a Teacher)
Behind the classrooms in our school
You'll find the children’s' swimming pool
In summer such a place of fun
Splashing around under the sun
But in winter the water's green
Deprived of kids, love and chlorine
And down beneath that pond like skin
A lurking monster hides within
I know, I saw it through the rain
As I gazed out the window pane
Water stirred and red eyes glowed
A mouth of razor teeth then showed
I stared in shock, the eyes stared back
As though I was a tasty snack
I gave a cry, leapt from my chair
My teacher gave me quite a glare
When I looked back the beast had sunk
Beneath the slimy, greeny gunk
But I knew that it was still there
From the gloopy bubbles of air
At break I sneaked with my best mate
Round the back to the wooden gate
That led right to the swimming steps
So we might peer into the depths
The murky water lay so still
So very quiet and tranquil
Had I dreamt it, was it real?
That beast the water did conceal
We both leaned down, on bended knee
With pounding hearts, we tried to see
The thing I saw from my classroom
Hiding silently in the gloom
Without warning, that monster rose
A sight so scary we just froze
And stared with fright at what we saw
A Scaly monstrous dinosaur
Teeth like daggers filled its jaw
As it let out a mighty roar
That blew our hair and soaked our clothes
With smelly water from its nose
The mouth came nearer, open wide
While I looked for somewhere to hide
Tangled with my friend we cowered
As over us the beast towered
But then the creature stopped and spoke
This really is beyond a joke!
It's bad enough back home in Ness
With tourists causing me distress
But even on my holidays
It seems there are no hideaways!
Why can't I just be left in peace?
When will this mad sightseeing cease?
At first I simply sat in shock
Could this be Nessie from the Loch?
And if so, why's he at our school
Hiding out in our swimming pool?
Look, I'm really sorry I cried
But is this any place to hide?
With lots of children always near
It can't be very peaceful here?
The monster shook his head and sighed
It's the most perfect place to hide
I love to hear children nearby
But stay hidden because I'm shy
Loch Ness in winter is so bleak
No-one around during the week
And the grown-ups don't want to play
Just turn me to some freak display!
It's fine, I say, won't say a word
Besides, I'd really sound absurd
My friends would say I was a fool
If I said Nessie's in our pool!
But can we come back here and play
When school is over for the day?
The Loch Ness monster gave a smile
I'd love it if you played a while!
So after school we made our way
Back to our swimming pool to play
I took my cricket bat and ball
And played until it was nightfall
It turned out he was pretty good
Wielding that bat of willow wood
Holding it firmly in his jaw
He'd whack that ball high with a roar
Might be a little awkward mind
Hiding the teeth marks left behind!
And then he bit the ball in half
But that just simply made us laugh
I wondered what people would say
If they could see that monster play
Such cricket skills should make them smile
Who else could hit the ball a mile?
Not only that, but also he
Was great at maths and geography
On top of that he's from the past
His history knowledge was vast
So I thought that it would be cool
If Nessie taught us at our school
It wouldn't be a dull session
When a monster took the lesson!
I asked him if he'd like a turn
At helping the school's children learn
Nessie agreed so the next day
I saw our teacher straight away
The teacher did call me a fool
When I said Nessie's in our pool
But she followed me anyway
To where we had played yesterday
I told her that the beast was shy
But loved having children nearby
And that he was extremely wise
Despite his scary monstrous size
I called to Nessie nervously
As my class teacher frowned at me
Thinking that maybe I'd gone mad
And she should call my mum and dad
But then the monster lifted his head
Above the green water and said
Nice to meet you, don't be irate
I'd like to help you educate!
Miss couldn't quite believe her eyes
When she saw that great monster rise
She swallowed hard and stammered ooh,
It's very nice to meet you too!
So can he help? Oh please say so
He'll be really good, I just know!
Miss frowned again at my outburst
We must ask the headmistress first!
So off Miss went to see the Head
And I trudged behind filled with dread
Because the headmistress was strict
It would not be a yes verdict
When we told her, the Head was stunned
To hear that the beast from Scotland
Was not just hiding in our pool
But sought to teach the kids in school
The headmistress, she went alone
To speak with Nessie on her own
After ten minutes had gone past
We rushed to check and stood aghast
I thought the head, she'd be angry
And there'd be no way she'd agree
To having a monster with us
The idea seemed so hopeless
And then I'd wondered if Nessie
Had become a bit too hungry
And leaned over to take a munch
Of our head teacher for his lunch
But what we saw there actually
Was the two of them drinking tea
And laughing away like old dears
That hadn't met back up for years
The headmistress gave us a smile
Nessie's great, let's give him a trial
He's really smart and so much fun
The kids will love him; everyone
So after lunch the children went
All full of noisy excitement
To have a lesson with Nessie
That enormous Scottish Beastie
And that's the story more-or-less
Of how the monster from Loch Ness
Came to be in our swimming pool
Teaching the children in our school.